The French Garden Blog

MY FRIEND BRIONY READ THE WILDFLOWER MEADOW BLOG AND SENT ME THIS JOKE:

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,
violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance
garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and
multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms
attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see
a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers  'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them
and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not  colourful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds  and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great  pains to grow it and
keep it green. They begin  each spring by fertilizing grass  and poisoning
any other plant that crops up in the  lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it - sometimes twice a  week.

GOD: They  cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not  exactly, Lord. Most of them rake
it up and put  it in bags.

GOD: They  bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell  it?

ST. FRANCIS: No,  Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it  away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
grow. And, when it does  grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back
on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses  and pay more money to water it, so
they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of  it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees.  That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say  so myself. The trees grow leaves in  the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they
fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil
and protect the trees and bushes. It's a  natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a
new circle.
As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have
them hauled away.

GOD: No!?  What do they do to protect the shrub and tree
roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
something which they call mulch.  They haul it home and spread it around in
place of the leaves.

GOD:  And, where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St.Catherine,
you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: 'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.



Briony has a fantastic riverside and meadow garden herself:

You can see it is a subject close to her heart.